It has crossed my mind so many times the last year or two, but here in 2020 its like it really bothers me, you are thinking what is he rambling about?
For the good last 10 years I have been shooting models on a TFP (Time for Pictures) basic or later called CFP (Cake for Pictures), well no money involved, and I have been shooting all from Portraits sessions to weddings to Business, so about now you think, hey this photographer actually making money and also getting to look at nude and hot girls, you can’t be more wrong!
When you first start shooting TFP or free sessions it hunts you down, these girls they keep writing and everyone think your work is perfect and stunning, and you are hooked, who wouldn’t be? I was, it was fun and I learned a lot technical and also some people I today is friends with and seeing them social and not just on a media platform.
It has grown on me it really has, the industry has been a chicken farm, everyone is better than the neighbor, everybody can buy a camera and manage to get some girls throwing there cloth and pose for them, every “model” think they are god’s gift as photographers also does.
Sorry if I step on anyone toes, but it’s the truth, here in Denmark it is, I don’t now about rest of Europe? But for me its enough, really it is!
Stress and Anxiety.
Around a year ago it came down like a lightning strike, from one day to another I lost the feeling for shooting, started cancel sessions, came up with bad excuses, it was really not ok I should have been honest with the models, but it was like I did only shoot what they liked, not what was my passion from start, my passion for portraits, and the creativity in a portrait was gone, everyone wanted to shoot nude, lingerie fashion and Halloween. If I wanted to shoot some gorgeous portraits there wasn’t any interest in it. More and more I became stressed, developed anxiety and got down in a black hole.
Now a good year later I can see what got me the anxiety and stress, I was this industry, the TFP/CFP it really ruins everything, today I cant even have a portrait business because of this, even taking pictures make me stressed.
So, what now, what’s the plan?
So, have do I move on? Well when I hit that bottom of the black hole, I first there realized that this has to stop, I need to settle down, I need to stop shooting all the time, I need to take care of myself, do what I like to do, shoot what I want not what the models want, I need to take care and do it fast.
Around march 2020, yes, the lockdown in the world I decided to skip this TFP or do less like one session a week, no more cheap weddings etc. Now its August and I have really enjoyed shooting street and everyday life, I have only had around one session a week TFP and from September, there will be a few only like one or two and portraits only, I want to go back to a healthier relationship whit photography.
The plan is to shoot some new portraits for free, setup my website and offer portrait sessions and no more. Do some consistent portraits that make people aware of me and what I can do.
Also do more landscapes, blog some more and enjoy life and when the world and people are ready go travel.
I really want to see more of my neighbor countries, Germany, Austria, France, Italy and also Scandinavia. I want to travel in a van and sleep under the stars, no its not just a fairytale, it’s a dream and I hope to do it in 2021-2022 with my family or by myself.